Look

but don't touch
like a sign in a china shop
it hovers above your head
Look, but don't touch
See, but don't feel
Gaze at longingly, but never stroke, brush, converge with.
I'm breaking in these shoes, see?
I'm feeling out the edges of uncharted territory
This- this is what they call lust?
This is what it feels like to want something you can't have
Longing to reach out and take what could so easily be yours
And stopping yourself.
Wishing to tap, pat, fondle caress, heck even just graze, become contiguous with, connect with, pet
And exchanging all that desire to study, inspect, observe, contemplate
Exchanging contact for the mere contemplation of how it would feel
To run my hand down the side of your face,
to grasp your hand in mine
To stroke the lobe of your ear or kiss the crook of your elbow
This- this is lust?
this is the thing I'm taught to fear, to run away from?
It doesn't feel hellish
Frustrating, yes, but simultaneously heavenly
For I would rather spend a day gazing at what can never be mine,
Wanting it, yet denying my desires
Than spend a day in the presence of angels.
Call me sacrilegious.
Call me depraved, fallen, abominable, corrupted, disgusted, despicable
But don't deny me the right to
Look,
But not touch.

Castle

She stumbles through the door
'Anybody home?'
Home
home
home
home...
'I guess not.' he grins 'Let's go exploring.'
Hand in hand they travel the halls.
He becomes a prince, she a fair damsel.
They are running from the evil dragon.
'Close your eyes.' he says 'I'll rescue you.'
She believes him, and they run.
Scampering over stone.
She becomes a queen, dressed in jewel adorned robes,
He a stable boy awed by her beauty.
'Close your eyes.' she says 'Do not be afraid of me.'
He listens to her, and they run
Running on to the next room, climbing the steps of the tower
Panting and laughing they stare out the window at the sunset.
She becomes a hermit mechanic, he her trusty aide.
They play at building time machines,
Just to capture the moment in which they are happy
Running free through the castle and imagining themselves
At other times and other places
Somehow they are sure, they would still be in love
And their hearts beat
As steady as the earth is turning
And they run through the castle, racing each other out the door
Into the sunset.

Faucets and Friendship: three haiku(s)

The tap is broken
Water leaks from the faucet
Touching the plastic

Sighing we decide
One of us must go repair
The leaky faucet

So both of us go
And we fix it together
Side by side, smiling

Paper Planes, Jeremy and the Way We Solved Our Problems

I taught you how to make your first paper plane.
I was in love with you.
I think.
It was so long ago that it's hard to remember,
But I do remember shaking my head at the paper plane you made along side your friends
Trying to make a plane by folding-squishing the paper into
what I assume was supposed to look something like a plane
And then sticking tape all over it to make it stay in that shape.
I should have realized then that you could never love me
Because where I tried to fix problems by making them right,
You would just stick some more tape on all of your shortcomings and hope that no one would notice
It was so long ago, but I remember
I was the nerdy, awkward, socially-inept third grader
And you were the "fly," rabble-rousing fourth grade student
King of the summer camp playground, conqueror of all the rug-rats and dirty rascals.
I was in love with you.
I think.
It was so long ago that it's hard to remember,
But I remember holding your hands, molding them to fold the perfect paper plane.
I remember smiling, sheepishly at you and saying "this is how it's done."
And that was all
But it wasn't.
Because two whole years later I transferred to your school
We were still children, but as children do, we thought ourselves adult
We scrambled over the monkey bars and you chased me through the "forest."
I realize now that the forest was just a small grove of trees,
And I see how small we were
But in that moment you were the biggest thing in my world:
The sun which I revolved around, my one true love.
You pulled my headbands off my head and threw them like frisbees with your friends
I didn't care.
All I cared about was you.
You teased me about my geeky books and all my nerdy ways
I didn't cry.
But I cried myself to sleep each night, wishing you would care for me.
I was in love with you.
I think.
But what is love if not the mere absence of hatred made stronger by mutual physical attraction?
What is love if not the mere absence of frustration, made stronger by the desire to procreate?
Love is nothing.
Love is childish, as small as we were and yet, as we did, Love thinks it's self adult.
I don't think you ever loved me,
We went our separate ways and now I see that it was for the best
Because you just stick some more tape on all of your shortcomings and hope that no one will notice them
I fix my problems by making them right.
So I'm fixing this problem
I'm going to fold it into a perfect paper plane
And I'm going to throw it out my window and out of my mind
I won't look back, and I promise I'll never think of you again.

Heartbeat

I am just a heartbeat
Beating steady, beating slow
Speeding up and moving on.
I am just a child
Turning into a woman
Maybe one day a mother, a lover, a friend
I am just a spirit
Living in a cell made of sinew and bone
Longing to be free of the bounds of humanity.
I am just a mind
One voice among many
Crying, singing, writing my story
Along with the rest of the world.
I'm living life with my heart on my sleave
But I'll keep my hands away from the flames,
Because I don't want to get burned any more than I have been.
I'm blurring the lines between me and the world
Stepping out with the tide and returning as it ebbs,
Because I'm not afraid of drowning, but I'm not keen to get my feet wet.
I'm finding myself in the least expected of places
Learning to love despite all my cynicism,
Learning to trust despite my doubts,
I'm growing into shoes I never thought would fit,
and I'm pissing my signature on the pillars of conformity
I'm kissing the stars, they're so close I could touch them.
I'm dancing with angels and flying on a magic carpet.
Can't you see me?
I'm free.
I've burst out of my prison of sinew and bone
I've mapped out my highway, I've painted it red.
I think I'll go smoke the pot at the end of the rainbow.
I'm writing my story, my memoir, my poem.
I've lost my mind, but I have found myself.
I'm not who I wanted to be, but I'm happy with what I am.
I am a heartbeat.

Beating steady, beating slow.
Beating in the silence, in the still.
Beating alone, yet along with the rest of the world.
Beating out the sound of my dreams
The sound of my triumphs
The sound of my failures, my fears, my hopes
My heartbeat
Just a heartbeat
Just me.

This is the story of a girl in a glass box.

This is the story of a girl in a glass box.
Nothing can touch her, nothing can harm her.
She loves no one and no one loves her back.
She lives in a world with no sadness or pain
A world with no people, every day just the same
As the last, whichwas boring, as boring can be
Life in a glass box, with nothing to see
Until one day a glass cutter visited her home
And cut away the side of her box.
He said, he'd rescue her from the monotony on one condition:
She wasn't allowed to fall in love with him.
What is love? She asked him, and he laughed.
They travelled the world together, the glass cutter and the girl from the box.
They visited Paris, Milan, Tokyo, Hong Kong, Brazil, Mexico, and the Great Wall of China.
Together, the glass cutter and the girl from the box hiked in the Cloud Forest and swam in the seven seas.
Then one day, the girl from the box said to the glass cutter:
"I have grown to appreciate your company very much.
You are funny and kind and considerate. I don't think you could stand to hurt a fly,
But you could certainly take down a lion if he dared to hurt anything you cared for.
I wish," she sighed, "I wish I could spend the rest of my life with you.
I am so happy," she said, "I could burst.
And I wish that I could do something to make you as happy as I am now."
The glass gutter stopped laughing
And he looked at the girl
"That is love." He said.
"What you have described is love."
And he left, without another word.
Because he knew that the girl from the glass box had fallen in love with him.
And so the girl who had lived in the glass box found another glass box to live inside of.
And she thought.
And she thought.
And she thought and she dreamed and she wished for the glass cutter.
She saw nothing,
she did nothing,
she felt nothing
but she thought everything.
She thought rainbows and oceans and tall ships and telegrams.
She thought lunches in Paris and late night trains to London.
She thought of eating rabbit at midnight and of the shape of the glass cutter's chin.
She thought:
This is what love feels like.
And then she realized, with a start,
That even when you live in a glass box you can still feel things.
You can feel longing and fear and misery and love.
You just can't do anything about the way you feel.
And she dreamed and she wished for a happy ending to her story
But she couldn't do anything about it, because she had ruined everything.
She had fallen in love with the glass cutter
And she had found herself another glass box to live inside.

And honestly, that's the end of the story as far as I'm concerned.
The glass cutter may have come back for her, but he also may not have.
In the end, it doesn't really matter.
There is no moral to the story.
Sometimes, that's just how life is.

sincerest apologies

for the posting delay
I was at camp
on a sailboat
sailing around
and stopping at beautiful islands
it was fun
but now I'm back
and there will be poetry
about life and pointlessness
there will also be prose
and romances in verse
there will be short stories
(ice cream and sweet nothings)
hopefully
I will brighten your summer
even though it does not need brightening
more likely
I will just write random things
which no one will read 'cause they'll be at the beach

Aurevoir
mes amis
smile, be happy
be content
in the knowledge
that you are not me.

Resurgence

I'm dreaming of a crumbling city citadel
A mossy tussock sits inside
Arched windows overlook the city of light
Broken and buried in rubble
Trees sprout from the ruins
Bird calls echo through the silence
As nature reclaims what is naturally, rightfully hers

I'm sitting on top of this mountain
A sheer, cliff-face drop to the water below
And I dive, reaching for the pot at the end of the rainbow
Sailing my ship down the waterfall
Flying my kite into blue oblivion
Riding on the back of a whirlwind
And laughing at the child I was, I am, I'll always be

I'm finding myself in the least expected of places
Dreaming within the confines of this box I call home
Writing on the white walls that surround me
Pissing my signature on the pillars of conformity
I'm learning to love despite my cynicism
I'm living the life I didn't think I wanted to live
I'm growing into shoes I thought would never fit

White gauzy curtains flutter at the window pane
The storm rages outside the latch
The key disappears under the doormat
Opening doors that cannot be seen
The butterfly leaves its cocoon
The kitten opens its eyes
We all hold hands and face the new dawning

We become transfixed, transfusing, diffusing
We become what we are
When no one dares to look
Where no one dares to look
We live different lives
When we're not under the microscope
When we are free of panopticism
We become lighter, floating, we become light