15 minutes of pure torture.
nothing to distract you from the pain in your legs.
nothing to help you keep going.
nothing to make it any easier than it is.
torture.
15 minutes of hell.
your arms burn, your face flames.
your sweat trails rivers down your back.
your mind wishes to be somewhere- anywhere else.
hell.
15 minutes of determination.
if you're too slow, you'll get a bad mark.
if it actually takes you 15 minutes, everyone will laugh.
if you fall and hurt yourself- they'll laugh harder.
determination.
The work of a girl-woman whose sole talents are writing and being lazy.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Everything
Everything I seem to post lately is poetry or prose. I'm getting a bit bored of it, but I'm not sure I have the energy to write a good short story.
Everything I've posted recently has been rather negative. None of it reflects the insanely happy vibes I'm feeling right now.
Everything I've been up to these days has kept me away from the computer. I haven't posted too much recently, and what I hhave posted has all been posted relatively close together.
Everything I'm feeling right now is not coming out as easily as I'd hoped it would. My emotions don't want to leave my mind today.
Anyways... I'm going to be really busy this week (so I probably won't manage to post much), prepping for my upcoming trip to Japan. (I'm leaving next Saturday.) While I'm in Japan, I'll be posting as frequently as possible. Most of what I post will be about what we've been doing, where we are, some pictures, etc. I'm going with some kids from my school (it's a school trip, there will be teachers as well), so I'll be posting to keep folks back home updated.
Yeah... that covers just about everything.
Oh, and, Happy Mother's Day. :)
Everything I've posted recently has been rather negative. None of it reflects the insanely happy vibes I'm feeling right now.
Everything I've been up to these days has kept me away from the computer. I haven't posted too much recently, and what I hhave posted has all been posted relatively close together.
Everything I'm feeling right now is not coming out as easily as I'd hoped it would. My emotions don't want to leave my mind today.
Anyways... I'm going to be really busy this week (so I probably won't manage to post much), prepping for my upcoming trip to Japan. (I'm leaving next Saturday.) While I'm in Japan, I'll be posting as frequently as possible. Most of what I post will be about what we've been doing, where we are, some pictures, etc. I'm going with some kids from my school (it's a school trip, there will be teachers as well), so I'll be posting to keep folks back home updated.
Yeah... that covers just about everything.
Oh, and, Happy Mother's Day. :)
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Secrets
are like dirty bags of garbage
tied up and hidden
in the basement
just waiting for someone to stumble across them
catching you in the act
Secrets
are like flowers
that look pretty
but smell horrible
you never know until morning, when they open their faces to the sky
and you smell the scent of festering flesh
Secrets
are like nitrogen bombs
they make you feel powerful
just because you have them
but if they explode while they're still in your hands
you're going to get hurt
Secrets
are like chains
you thought would make you free
but they don't
they fetter you to the ground waiting to expose you
for what you really are
Secrets
i have too many
they make me feel powerful
even as they bind me to my seat
they're just waiting for someone to stumble accross them
and take a whif of their putrid scent
exposing me for what i really am.
tied up and hidden
in the basement
just waiting for someone to stumble across them
catching you in the act
Secrets
are like flowers
that look pretty
but smell horrible
you never know until morning, when they open their faces to the sky
and you smell the scent of festering flesh
Secrets
are like nitrogen bombs
they make you feel powerful
just because you have them
but if they explode while they're still in your hands
you're going to get hurt
Secrets
are like chains
you thought would make you free
but they don't
they fetter you to the ground waiting to expose you
for what you really are
Secrets
i have too many
they make me feel powerful
even as they bind me to my seat
they're just waiting for someone to stumble accross them
and take a whif of their putrid scent
exposing me for what i really am.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Praise and the Praiseworthy
Today I was thinking about praise and the praiseworthy. Or rather, I was failing at trying not to. Sometimes, one wants so much to be something that one is not. I myself am entirely and irremediably nervous. I want people to love me. I want people to think that I am praiseworthy. Yet somehow I can't see myself the way I want to be seen.
Sometimes we cannot believe that we deserve the praise we wish to earn, and yet we cannot quite believe that we do not deserve it. It's pretty crazy how I find myself chasing my own tail, wanting to be praiseworthy, yet not believing that I am at the same time.
But I guess life is like that. We are not afraid of our own inadequacy, instead we are afraid of our own beauty, of our talents. In the end, aren't we all sure of our own praiseworthiness? Are we only denying that we do not believe ourselves to be praiseworthy in the first place? What is modesty anyways?
Perhaps we'll never know.
But I guess life is like that. We are not afraid of our own inadequacy, instead we are afraid of our own beauty, of our talents. In the end, aren't we all sure of our own praiseworthiness? Are we only denying that we do not believe ourselves to be praiseworthy in the first place? What is modesty anyways?
Perhaps we'll never know.
Devil in the Details
Today I realized that my math teacher pronounces calculator wrong. It made me smile, but it also bothered me, just a little bit.
I noticed as I rode my bike home yesterday that as the wheels spin, they hit my gears, creating just a little click.
Every crack that's in the pavement
Little things which pass you by
These things just drive me crazy
And I can't say really why.
A week ago last sunday I realized that my mother has a mole on her left cheek, it twitches while she talks.
And on a school trip I noticed that my best friend looks like a deranged penguin when she walks.
Every crack that's in the pavement
Little things which pass you by
These things just drive me crazy
And I can't say really why.
I went through testing as a little child. The doctors said they'd say if there was something wrong with me.
And yet I cometimes can't help wondering if they didn't tell the truth, if they left something out to make it easy.
I noticed as I rode my bike home yesterday that as the wheels spin, they hit my gears, creating just a little click.
Every crack that's in the pavement
Little things which pass you by
These things just drive me crazy
And I can't say really why.
A week ago last sunday I realized that my mother has a mole on her left cheek, it twitches while she talks.
And on a school trip I noticed that my best friend looks like a deranged penguin when she walks.
Every crack that's in the pavement
Little things which pass you by
These things just drive me crazy
And I can't say really why.
I went through testing as a little child. The doctors said they'd say if there was something wrong with me.
And yet I cometimes can't help wondering if they didn't tell the truth, if they left something out to make it easy.
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