Back Home

Well I'm back, I guess
From travels abroad
but home doesn't feel like home anymore
and I'm tired
from red eye flights
with movie screens
and airplane dinners
Well I'm back, I guess
from far away places
with sleepless nights
and pristine beaches
and I'm tired
from all the things I've seen
and may never see again
I'm back, I guess
but I'm not ready to be home
I'm not ready to do the things
I don't want to get done
I'm tired
just thinking
about all I must do
Now that I'm back.

To do before I leave

Packing my bags for a long trip I realize I'm not ready
I'll never be ready to find my way
In a world so buzy
So lazy
So crazy
I'm so tired of leaving this way
I know that I've got to give myself a vacation
Got to take a minute to pull back the curtain
And de-clutter my mind for a while
But I know that I never return with a smile
That's quite like the one I wore the first mile
I know that nothing ever works the way I want it to
And I know I'll toss and turn every night that I'm gone thinking of you
You drive my crazy
Mostly because I never imagined it could be quite like this
Living my life from kiss to kiss
I never thought I'd find love in a broken world, I swear
And I fear that I won't return in one peice
With my suitcase in one hand and my heart in the other
I swear I'll try to come home to you
But I know that I won't
Because as the plane takes it's first steps up the runway
I'll be changing
And every time I touch back down
Every time I turn myself around
With every wish you were here postcard I send
I'll be changing
And I won't be myself once I reach the end
I know.
But what's life without some changes?
Packing my bags with the things I won't need
I pull some underwear off the shelf
And I pray to a deaf, dumb, blind god for help
Where am I going?
Where will I be?
And what will I, what should I do with myself?
I pack more pens than clothes
More journals than socks
I carry my suitcase a mile
Just to put my belongings on trial
To see if they weigh enough
I'm so heavy
I can't walk another step
Can't take even one more breath
I'm so sick of myself
And the trains
And the planes
I'm tired of traveling alone
And I wish I could take you along
Every where I go
Every road I walk
I wish you were there with me
Every person I meet
Every meal that I eat
I wish you were here with me.
Packing my bags before a long trip I realize I'm not ready
Everything is in order, save my heart and my mind
I could leave today, but I don't know what I'd find
I don't think I can do this alone
You can't leave the gate if you can't open the door
I realize that I'm more afraid of my own backyard than I am of the sea
And I wish I could bring myself to walk outside
but there are a thousand things I'll have to get done
A thousand things I'll have to do
before I leave.

Well, I have failed in my mission

of writing alot about my trip to Japan.
This computer is the second computer I have seen on the whole two week trip. The oh-so-technologically advanced Japanese do not use computers. But that's because they have amazing cell phones, so they don't need computers.
Anyways, I fly home today. Today. I'm not sure that I want to leave, but I realize that the trip has to end sometime, and now is just as good as any other. And despite the fact that this means I'll have only posted twice during my stay in Japan, and never posted about what we actually have done here, I'll likely be posting for weeks to come about how amazing it was being in Japan.
It has been amazing; amazing and utterly life changing.
But now it's time to say goodbye.
Not because my plane leaves now, (it doesn't leave for another five hours,) but because I'm running out of pay as you go net service.
more later.

(Or not)

These Few Days

Well, it's been a few days since my last post, a few days containing a whirlwind of long bus rides, singing toilet seats, public baths, bright neon signs, bullet trains, lush green mountains, Okonomiyaki, Shinto shrines, tatami mat hotels, vending machines that cater to every needimaginable and more porn than I have seen in my life thus far. It's been a few days of drama, a few days of sickness, and a few days of rather insane R rated jokes. Japan is amazing.
Yes I meant that about the singing toilet seats. Oftentimes we think that Japan is oh-so-much more technologically superior to us, in reality they just have a lot of really useless technology. Like toilet seats that sing when you sit down on them. It's actually really disturbing.
I honestly had no clue that lit up signs came in some of the colours I've seen here. I also wasn't aware that these signs could cover fifty metre walls. It's rather surprising to note that despite the mass production and powered up use of all this bizarre technology, Japan is still as vibrantly green as it is. And when I say vibrantly, I mean vibrantly. The mountains here put the North shore to shame.
The vending machines here have been a bit of a shock. You can buy everything in a vending machine. Ipods, disposable cameras, paint, drinks, ice cream, makeup, tampons, and yes, even porn. I think Japanese society today might just revolve around pornography. I wish I was joking, but I`m not. They sell it everywhere. In bookstores, on the street, in tourist stands and in seven-elevens. Nudity is a big ticket item here. So is alcohol. In Canada, you have to go to a liquor store to buy alcohol. Here you can just go to the nearest vending machine. You want some harder liquers? Just visit the nearest convenience store. You don't even need ID.
It's a different world over here. There is no crime, I swear it. No petty theft, no underage drinking, not even litter on the streets. The people around here are so aware of society's panoptic nature that they never do anything wrong. It's amazing.

And that's about all that I have to say for now. I'm so tired that I'm losing my vision, and my email isn't working so I can't contact my parents. I have an incredibly long bus ride to live through tomorrow, and it is so hot that I am sweating through my clothes so fast that I'm running out of things to wear. I want to stay here forever, or better yet, I want the whole world to be just like this.

We are leaving

in just over four hours
I have to be at the airport in two hours
we'll be on the plane for ten hours
and I won't sleep for any of it.

We'll be in Japan in just over a day
I don't know if I will survive the first day
and we're staying there for thirteen days
and I might not eat for any of it.

We've been waiting since October last year
I will remember this trip as the trip of the year
We'll wish we could stay there for a whole year
and I might not sleep for any of it.