To do before I leave

Packing my bags for a long trip I realize I'm not ready
I'll never be ready to find my way
In a world so buzy
So lazy
So crazy
I'm so tired of leaving this way
I know that I've got to give myself a vacation
Got to take a minute to pull back the curtain
And de-clutter my mind for a while
But I know that I never return with a smile
That's quite like the one I wore the first mile
I know that nothing ever works the way I want it to
And I know I'll toss and turn every night that I'm gone thinking of you
You drive my crazy
Mostly because I never imagined it could be quite like this
Living my life from kiss to kiss
I never thought I'd find love in a broken world, I swear
And I fear that I won't return in one peice
With my suitcase in one hand and my heart in the other
I swear I'll try to come home to you
But I know that I won't
Because as the plane takes it's first steps up the runway
I'll be changing
And every time I touch back down
Every time I turn myself around
With every wish you were here postcard I send
I'll be changing
And I won't be myself once I reach the end
I know.
But what's life without some changes?
Packing my bags with the things I won't need
I pull some underwear off the shelf
And I pray to a deaf, dumb, blind god for help
Where am I going?
Where will I be?
And what will I, what should I do with myself?
I pack more pens than clothes
More journals than socks
I carry my suitcase a mile
Just to put my belongings on trial
To see if they weigh enough
I'm so heavy
I can't walk another step
Can't take even one more breath
I'm so sick of myself
And the trains
And the planes
I'm tired of traveling alone
And I wish I could take you along
Every where I go
Every road I walk
I wish you were there with me
Every person I meet
Every meal that I eat
I wish you were here with me.
Packing my bags before a long trip I realize I'm not ready
Everything is in order, save my heart and my mind
I could leave today, but I don't know what I'd find
I don't think I can do this alone
You can't leave the gate if you can't open the door
I realize that I'm more afraid of my own backyard than I am of the sea
And I wish I could bring myself to walk outside
but there are a thousand things I'll have to get done
A thousand things I'll have to do
before I leave.